FUNNY FARM (1988)

FUNNY FARM is one of those movies where the only thing that keeps the story moving forward is the complete incompetence of the main characters.

New York City newspaper sportswriter Andy Farmer (Chevy Chase) gets a $10,000 advance from a publisher for a novel that he has yet to write. So, with all of that money, he and his kindergarten teacher wife, Elizabeth (Madolyn Smith), quit their jobs, leave the legendary Upper West Side apartment building the Apthorp and move into a beautiful country home in rural Vermont complete with it’s own private duck pond. Who knew that $10,000 could go so far in 1988! Once in Vermont our heroes are in a continual state of confusion and shock about literally everything: issues with the backwoods phone company, the townsfolk are rude, inability to read a menu, the lone mailman is a raging drunk, there’s wildlife in the area around their country home, the local sheriff cannot drive a car, there’s birds in the trees…chirping! It’s like they did zero research about the house or the local community before uprooting their entire lives and moving. As a viewer am I supposed to find this funny? The whole thing stressed me out.

That said, the basic idea of the fish out of water city slickers moving to the country has a ton of potential. Hell, SON IN LAW did it 5 years later and it was funny! In my worthless opinion, the main problem with FUNNY FARM is the director. It’s directed by legendary old Hollywood director George Roy Hill (BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, THE STING) and while he’s obviously a talented director, it seems like he (or whoever) wanted to go for a G-rated story with very simplistic humor. Simplistic to the point that I’m not even sure the movie could even really be considered a Comedy. FUNNY FARM…it’s not funny, nor is it a farm.

Also (I’m really not trying to pile on), but Madolyn Smith wasn’t an ideal choice for Chevy’s wife. She wasn’t good as a straight character for the jokes to play off of, she didn’t have any comedic moments of her own, there was very little chemistry between her and Chevy. Like, honestly, I’m not even sure what the point of her entire character was! Just have Chevy be single and maybe flirting with a sexy local! Anything!

I don’t know. FUNNY FARM kinda pissed me off because there’s a lot of potential with the basic story idea, but none of those thousands of funny ideas made it to the screen. Watch it if you want, I don’t give a fuck. Or maybe double-feature it with THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER OVER THE SEPTIC TANK for a truly uninspired and unfunny evening.

PORKY'S (1981)

Twenty-six year-old high school teenager Pee Wee wants to get laid goddamn it! His buddies wanna help him and they don't care how many laws they gotta break to make it happen. Eventually, since Pee Wee has created such an annoying shitbag reputation for himself all over town (mainly due to him being an annoying shitbag non-stop), he cannot get any action with the locals, so, his friends resort to driving Pee Wee to a hillbilly whorehouse in the middle of a swamp that’s ran by a Jabba the Hutt-looking dude called Porky. Surprisingly, things don’t go well. This sparks off an ongoing feud between the dumbass teenagers and the dumbass Porky's gang.

Nowadays, when first-time viewers sit their lazy, non-chiseled buttcheeks down to watch PORKY’S, they’re probably expecting a light-hearted, AMERICAN PIE-style romp about high schoolers goofing off and fingerfucking each other in the hallways between AP Biology and AP English Literature and Composition, but…nope. This shit, while it does have a few funny moments, is way darker than it needs to be. Kinda like the (unneeded) abusive boyfriend storyline in FOOTLOOSE. Most of the darkness is in the form of racism and violence. It’s honestly kinda mind-boggling at how PORKY’S was such a big hit back in ye olde 1981. Maybe it's because it was released during a lull in the box office release calendar (pop quiz: you're in high school and going on a date, which new release are you more likely to go see? ON GOLDEN POND, QUEST FOR FIRE, MISSING, CHARIOTS OF FIRE or PORKY'S? ) or maybe audiences just enjoyed tasteless racist, bigoted, sexist, homophobic humor back in the 1980’s. Probably a little bit of both.

Medium pace, a few (overrated) nude scenes, like maybe three scenes that are actually kinda funny, lots of depressing subjects played off as funny, dedicated acting by a strong cast, lots of vintage cars, cool looking vintage clothing and fashions, (as far as I can remember) not one single scene that actually took place inside a classroom (or even a school hallway), a few background characters that should have been in the foreground, unfunny pranks. Overall, if you're interested in the origins of old ancient Tits & Ass comedies of the 1980's, then you don't have a choice but to check out PORKY'S. It's mandatory viewing, even if it's cringe and dated as fuck. 

One dumb idea I had after re-watching PORKY'S for this review is it'd be amusing if somebody made a completely humorless and deadly serious, 4 hour legal drama about the consequences of all the laws broken in this film. Still called it PORKY'S 2, but instead of whatever PORKY'S 2 is actually about (I cannot remember), instead have the students and Porky's gang arrested and then face (probably) years in prison for dynamiting a bridge, multiple assaults, multiple counts of indecency, destroying a police car and badly damaging a second, demolishing an entire building with people inside it, etc. Also, in the super serious courthouse scenes, the Prosecution shows scenes from the movie as evidence. With nobody ever questioning how that can even be. How strange it is to be anything at all.

PORKY'S reboot idea: Pee Wee isn't as annoying as he is in the original, zero racist bullshit, zero scenes or reference to a whorehouse (have "Porky's" be a local mom & pop video store where people hang out in the parking lot and inside the store), zero creepy sex crime shower peeping, a more diverse cast, preferably cast members who actually look less than 30, way more nudity, more high school drama, way more cheerleaders, way more nudity (both male and female and anything else), an awesome soundtrack, at least 40% of the characters gay and / or trans, multiple scenes taking place during the Friday night Main Street car cruising traffic jam and since it's set in 1981 there should be at least one video store customer complaining that THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW isn't on VHS or laserdisc yet. (1990 and 1992, in case you're curious)

Part 2 - Porky's II: The Next Day (1983)
Part 3 - Porky's Revenge! (1985)